My
mother visited me in my sleep all of a sudden. In my dream, we were on a
holiday somewhere in the province. I was drinking water in the falls, then
after being smug with my thirst, I came back to where she was. She did a heart
to heart talk with me. She hugged me so tightly and reminded me of how much she
loves me. She said I need not worry or feel down because everything will be
okay. I sat on her lap for awhile while she was talking to me, and for a
moment, I was foolishly happy. A surge of bliss flooded my heart. It was an
ecstasy to hear her voice and to feel her touch. I felt like I was eleven
again, innocent and unaware to the harsh world around me. She was sorry for
leaving me and still sorry because again, I have to let her go.
In
my dream, I was actually happy of her leaving. Not because we'll be separated,
but because I know that her destination is way more beautiful than where I
stand. For there, she's healthy and young, away from illness, away from harm.
There, she needs no medicine or any other kind of treatment. There, she's free of
pain. With Jesus, she smiles freely.
She
told me she's glad to see my change. I'm a few inches taller than her now, but
I'm still as thin as ever. She said she's so proud of me because I turned into
a beautiful and brilliant lady, and will be even prouder as years go by. She
said she's thanking the Lord for giving her the privilege to be my mom. She
said I should be enthusiastic to wake up each morning because in the right
time, I'll soon realize all of my dreams and will soon be in a better place.
* * * * *
My
mom was very close and sweet to us. She was the kind of mother that's very
generous in bestowing her motherly love. She was very free to her hugs and
kisses and "I love yous".
For
eleven years that she'd been here, I became really dependent to her. I wasn't
even able to sleep without her by my side, and it indeed took a huge adjustment
when she died. It took a couple of nights to remind myself that I should stop
stretching my fingers, seeking my mother's warmth, because the other side of
the bed will now forever be cold without her.
But
although she left us early, I'm still thankful that I had the chance to be with
her. I'm thankful because no matter what, I know how it feels to have a mom.
And my mommy, who was ridden on the bed, who barely can talk, and who hardly
can move her hands, told me that she wants to make my gown for my debut. And
now, I'm no longer eighteen. And now, all I want is to hear that voice and to
hold those hands again.
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