I miss my mom

My mother visited me in my sleep all of a sudden. In my dream, we were on a holiday somewhere in the province. I was drinking water in the falls, then after being smug with my thirst, I came back to where she was. She did a heart to heart talk with me. She hugged me so tightly and reminded me of how much she loves me. She said I need not worry or feel down because everything will be okay. I sat on her lap for awhile while she was talking to me, and for a moment, I was foolishly happy. A surge of bliss flooded my heart. It was an ecstasy to hear her voice and to feel her touch. I felt like I was eleven again, innocent and unaware to the harsh world around me. She was sorry for leaving me and still sorry because again, I have to let her go.

In my dream, I was actually happy of her leaving. Not because we'll be separated, but because I know that her destination is way more beautiful than where I stand. For there, she's healthy and young, away from illness, away from harm. There, she needs no medicine or any other kind of treatment. There, she's free of pain. With Jesus, she smiles freely.

She told me she's glad to see my change. I'm a few inches taller than her now, but I'm still as thin as ever. She said she's so proud of me because I turned into a beautiful and brilliant lady, and will be even prouder as years go by. She said she's thanking the Lord for giving her the privilege to be my mom. She said I should be enthusiastic to wake up each morning because in the right time, I'll soon realize all of my dreams and will soon be in a better place.

* * * * *

My mom was very close and sweet to us. She was the kind of mother that's very generous in bestowing her motherly love. She was very free to her hugs and kisses and "I love yous".

For eleven years that she'd been here, I became really dependent to her. I wasn't even able to sleep without her by my side, and it indeed took a huge adjustment when she died. It took a couple of nights to remind myself that I should stop stretching my fingers, seeking my mother's warmth, because the other side of the bed will now forever be cold without her.

But although she left us early, I'm still thankful that I had the chance to be with her. I'm thankful because no matter what, I know how it feels to have a mom. And my mommy, who was ridden on the bed, who barely can talk, and who hardly can move her hands, told me that she wants to make my gown for my debut. And now, I'm no longer eighteen. And now, all I want is to hear that voice and to hold those hands again.